Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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