I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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