Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
