Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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