Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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