Got a toothbrush?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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