I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
