i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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