Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
