No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
