lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
