What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
