I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
