I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
