Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm going to jail i love you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize