So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
