You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
