that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
