why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
