I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize