I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
