Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
