I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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