so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did I show you my penis last night?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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