Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
