why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
