i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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