Your tits are I can't wait for
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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