hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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