i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize