Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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