I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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