He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
