and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
