Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she peed on how many people?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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