we're chasing vodka with high fives
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
