Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize