Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Everclear isn't food dammit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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