Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I want a musical about memes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
