I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
