All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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