I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
