I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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