If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
