Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
