I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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