i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize