bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
