p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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