Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
