life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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