my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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