in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
