When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
