I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We don't watch enough power rangers
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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