Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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