i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
