but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize