So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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