1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
