I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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