he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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