he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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