OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
love makes seman taste better
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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