You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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