That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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