You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
