What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
