Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Boobs speak an international language.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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