my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
