Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
