Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize