1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Randomize
