i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize