Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
