i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
handjob tips. give me some.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
