Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
