I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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