So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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