i can't believe i had my finger in that
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
