"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Everclear isn't food dammit
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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