You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
wow bdsm is so cute
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