What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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