I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
