we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize