I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
